Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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