im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
