we're blogging at a bar
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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