then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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