i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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