reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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