Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
