I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
