When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
