Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
