suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
