he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
