its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
