I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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