these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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