"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
