I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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