This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
