Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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