i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
