I like my sex mixed with concussions.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
