the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize