why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
