Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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