i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
