There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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