More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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