Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
