Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
