Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
