I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
