You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
