Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize