Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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