you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
