For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
