she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's never too late to be topless.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
