We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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