Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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