i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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