: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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