Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
