I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
