we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
