I just cut my nipple shaving
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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