Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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