I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
