You just made me feel so damn special
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
