Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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