It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
