I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
