your parents love me but you hate me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
