Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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