Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
