What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
