I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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