well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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