Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I touched a dick in church today
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
