I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
