It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
