i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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