This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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