I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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