you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
