Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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