Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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