he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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