That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
