I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
