I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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