when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
