you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize