Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
